The Adventures of TOT

http://www.fp.utm.my/ePusatSumber/pdffail/ptkghdfwP/SITINURSHUHADAAP000535D2004TTP.pdf

2009-12-21T07:35:00.001-08:00

Long time

2009-10-11T16:20:00.000-07:00

It's been a heck of a long time since i typed in this..........sigh......no inspiration for anything new at all........sigh.........

der hao

2009-09-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Images can be pretty and nice.......just like a picture of a house in the mountains...probably in seoul or japan. Looks like Fall......and evidence shows that you know..........there are children living in it........

Looks can be deceiving.........all you had to do was hover your mouse over the shoes.......and TADA GHOST APPEARS! You'll pay.............

Hatred is like a wildfire.....

2009-08-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

You know......hatred is a horrible thing...one thing is for sure....I HATE MY SO CALLED YOUNGER BROTHER.........

Everything he does i get blamed for it...Talk about unfairness....where is justice!!!!! I need a all-time loving heroine to come save me and shut his gap up.

Whatever you do....don't follow my brother around.....never let him know who you are....get your contacts...or even look at you........you'll be haunted for life.........eventhough i've been obsessed with people....i don't cause trouble.....but he......brings nothing more than doom....

:P

2009-08-22T08:12:00.000-07:00

Heck it's been a stressful day, one should know his own limit......Su yong u better help me out here and ease the situation out.

Fu jie asked me to build a new pc....:P Boy am i glad to be of help...i just hope that i do get to build it.

Somehow i'm just crazy about computers.......

GOO GOO GAA GAA

2009-08-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

I PHONE IS IN THE HOUSE BABY!!!!!!!!!

HOW COOL ISSIT TO HAVE A DAD WHO WANTS AN IPHONE 3GS!!!!!!:P

It's in the house and in my hands....awright u little apple touch pod phone.........You'RE MINE!!!

Ditto

2009-08-13T06:39:00.000-07:00

Talk about coincidence!!!!!!!!! MY MUM BOUGHT A FRIDGE AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AS ESMOND'S MUM DID!!!! IT CAME IN ON THE SAME DAY TOO!

Only thing sad is it wasn't the same brand and same model.....XD If it was..........(shudders).......mum's....they're creepy...

this is mine

this is Esmond's (dang i love a three door one)

Pyschology

2009-08-08T20:48:00.000-07:00

Has anyone ever tell you how hard it is to understand people? It's crazy......entirely exhausting....

Cute little Huan Wei........please let me understand you more?

It's Over

2009-08-05T05:04:00.000-07:00

Done with scouts, freaking don't need my help eh? We'll see........bet they don't even know theres about 3-4 scouters wanting to leave........

Bad Boy

2009-07-31T16:23:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah...........good boy gone bad.............reason? won't tell ya......

I did something terrible today........something that i'll only tell people next year...........hehehehe

A new Hope

2009-07-25T20:47:00.000-07:00

Definately not erm....star wars but well......er.........me helping the form 4's as they swim in the mud.....hehe........

YP CAMP IS ON THE 13th to 16th DECEMBER!!!!!!!!!Hoping four people will follow me this time......Chee Loong....Huan Wei.....Xen Yang......ang Chin Kwang.....boy i really do hope so........

God, please help me.....

Obsessed......

2009-07-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

That is the only word i can think of at the moment.........Embarassing as it may seem....the only thing in the world that could shatter my heart......is the relationship between me and my brothers.........i broke down and cried in the school hall two days ago.............don't ask why...........

Jason's right........I am obsessed.....

NO?

2009-07-18T05:55:00.000-07:00

Those were the exact same words Xen Yang blurted at me.........

He told me NO! (i can' go for the campfire). His cold blooded words stole it's way into my heart and ate me from the inside..........All i asked was........if you guys werent going to discuss anything......would you allow me to come? No..........he says....Reason? Our form is going........what's the point of you following........

SLAM! WHAM! BAM!!!! MY heart shattered......so i wasn't accepted by their form as one of their own....after years of striving and struggling to enter and be accepted..........futile........all my efforts was just futile...........I took a turn and went to Wai Lock for comfort.............his words? Definately comforting......but then soon I got laughed at when he asked Xen Yang for the truth........(Boy was i dead)

Oh well..........guess I'll never know the truth until i interrogate him tmr......DIE!!!!!!!!!

Ajk list 2009/2010

2009-07-16T07:34:00.001-07:00

AJK List 09/10
Troop Leader: Wong Xen Yang
Asst. Troop Leader: Jason Yee
Secretary: Kwong Der Hao
Treasurer: Lee Chin Kwang
Quartermaster: Ooi Cheng Sheng

Ketua Bhg. Kawad: Lee Hock Jack
Pen. Ketua Bhg. Kawad: Thio Zhi Wei
Ketua Bhg. Unsur-unsur: Tan Tzer Harn
Ketua Bhg. Publisiti: Lim Song Yang
Ketua Bhg. Disiplin: Ng Wai Lock
Ketua Bhg. Hiburan: Lee Wan Hao
Ketua Bhg. Informasi: Ooi Hong En

The Moment of Truth

2009-07-12T03:28:00.000-07:00

The time has finally come........I've finally left scouts......though my heart remains there forever........sigh.....

Congrats to the new Ajk's........I pray to God that you guys will do a fine job..........The guilt is killing me........Cause the new list.....was 100% by me.....I just pray that the decisions i Made was correct.........

The other thing troubling me is that.....I'm starting to feel it.....Starting to feel the distance between the form 4's......now their laden down with the work they have to do..........sigh..........

A new vision

2009-06-28T07:32:00.000-07:00

Ah......finally after months and months of torturing my friends, pouring out my troubles, feeding their minds with the kind of life i'm going through. I think it's high time for me to go back to the basics and have fun with them...lols........Yeah......that'd make them happy...it'll make me happy too......so what the heck.. LET'S GO!!!!!!!

Jealousy

2009-06-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

Call me gay...or whatever u want but i have a confession to make. I actually get jealous when i see my best pals. Mixing with other guys. I couldnt really care if they had girlfriends.

Eg, Wxy invites Lck to go swimming but he didn't invite me. And here i am Jealous. Sigh........what is the big prob with me.....and sometimes i really have to think positive. Maybe cause he knew that i would most probably won't be able to come so he didn't invite me. But what if it's just because he erm....prefers to spend the time with Lck more?

But looking back i know that well.....i have been spending more time with Wxy compared to Lck....but the things we do when we're together are work work work.....or PC gaming......nothing like swimming, bowling or just hanging out....sigh.........i so need need need frienship..........jason, do me a favor and spread this.. lols....

Sigh

2009-06-24T05:57:00.000-07:00

It's been a long long long long time since i updated my blog......Well........Partly cause i was lazy.....and partly cause i knew what i was going to write was total crap again......but i couldn't resist anymore.....so i just had to type it in...

I knew that this day would come, the day where i could no longer concentrate on my studies. The day when my departure from scouts will cause me insanity......The day when i find out the truth of my importance in scouts, Or whether my existence mattered at all. My brother's Don't understand......after i leave.....i have nothing, (I freaking hate my form....except for certain loving people, mainly E....D) But they have each other.... for probably another few years, going to form six or college together....entering the same uni.....I fear that i do not have the same chance......The same opportunity that would grant me happiness. The same gift that they have that i dread i didn't receive.

It grieves me that i share not their joy and happiness. Yet i Thank God that i am able to pave the way for them. Able to teach them the topics and things i have learned, Building the bridge so that they do not stumble upon the rocks that i had to thread upon. Yes, for that i Thank God and Jesus so much, for it is great joy to see them happy, Great joy that i am able to help them so much..I just pray that i am able to continue to do this forever....

One thing though brings fear for me. Their faith in God and Jesus. It is one of the things that shakes me, that strikes fear to my heart. I.....I.......just one them to trust in Him........so that they may be saved and enjoy eternity with me and Jesus himself. Apparently........60 years with them will definitely not be enough.

Certainly i am happy that some have confessed the joy our friendship brings, and i shared with them that yes, I too reap the joy that our friendship brings.

Matthew 7:12
"In everything, treat others as you would want them to treat you,for this fulfills the law and the prophets."

Day 4

2009-06-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

The last day of the camp, AND BOY AM I GOING TO MISS IT!!!!!

Look, the fact that i made a new brother in the process. The fact that now i know who should lead and who should not is great. The fact that now i have to leave scouts soon is killing me......man.........

The last night was great.....with the campfire.....with me and my usual self trying to help people and being the normal elder brother i am....sigh......Here's a pic of the campfire..

Here's us with the group picture :) finally coming to an end.

After packing up and sulking over our loss....We got on the bus and headed home with our heads half up and half down.....We stopped at our favorite place to eat...(since Yong Peng) which was at Yong Peng rest station....lol......I got some bonus time to spend with the form 1's again.....(apparently i'm finally being wanted :) ) One of the form one's actually hoped that i was at least 2 years younger......so that i could join them and play with the more often..........Gosh....(you bet i'm happy) !!

I even asked him to help me buy food..........somehow he gives me the feeling that he is actually mature......just acting like a kid to enjoy his youth while he can......(i'm like that too)

I just pray God that you will give me the chance and ability to balance my time properly. That God you will allow me to continue to love this people that you love too. Just hope that I can live in your light as well as be an example....Please O God......

Part 2 of Day 3

2009-06-07T09:06:00.000-07:00

Okay so i got a little lost in day 3......i didn't want that particular post to be extra long so i decided to split it in half.....So Part 2 begins with the ending......The dance competition....

Technically.....we were prepared...after months of intense training, sacrifices and sweat.....we finally made it to the stage. With our fists clenched and hearts racing...we marched on into the battlefield......We were welcomed with the sound of applause from the crowd....:P DUH! IT WAS ULTRA COOL!!!!! Well......all i could remember was the crowd screaming (probably just Yu Hua Girl Guides.) and total blackness....since all the lights were off....and then the next thing that hit me is!!!!!VICTORY!!!!!THANK YOU SO MUCH GOD!!!!! I NEEDED IT SO MUCH!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah......and meet my new best bud :) the day sorta ended with a new kind soul acting as a nice pillow and bolster. With a smile on his face continuously. Here is my new pal TADA!!!!:)

Day 3..

2009-06-07T08:27:00.001-07:00

Okay so today is the day where it all ends for me. Dance Competition will be over, Signalling Will be over......YES FREEDOM AT LAST!!!!!!

The day started with the embarassing act of the Rakit team aka rafting team...which could build a raft that floated well....but just couldn't paddle through the water?
EMBARASSING!!!!

No intention to insult you guys but please......what's a raft for if it can't be used to paddle through the water? ...........it deserves a spot in the museum........the scene was totally lame......and there i was acting up just being happy that wow!!!! WE're GOING ON WATER!!!!

Looky at Singapore behind me!!!

Dun even want to talk about the Cooking Team.....all i can say is The leaders of the Cooking Team,(not you DH) sucks!!! Especially the Ajk's ......go to (why bother anymore) JUST DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY MEMBERS!!!!!!!!

So for the signalling team.....all is well........hehe.....(after all....i did lead them to their victory).....:P
Don't they look like winners........(smiling laughing........sure win?)

They got second prize.!!!!! It's a great achievment considering the fact we haven't taken part in this for 6 years!!! :) Congratz to you guys!!!!!

Oh yeah....and the mastermind behind all of this is actually not me.....I really have to thank one guy who has not complained about the burden i gave him. The true worker, teacher and commmander here is Song Yang. SO i have to say that this Prize belongs to you. Congratz on Your success and Maturity!

Day 2

2009-06-07T08:09:00.000-07:00

Okay....so the pic ain't exactly day 2 but what was i supposed to put?
Today was the day for Kawat practice.....awaiting our performance was aboout probably 2000 unknown scouts all over malaysia, plus some unknown probably king scout from Hong Kong.

We practiced and practiced, finally got our hands in line and our legs to stomp together HURRAY!!! But still it wasn't good enough for us to sweep anything off the podium. Sigh........Here's some pictures of our practicing moments.

Though all we did was not enough to win........but we gave it our best shot....so oh well......The day ended with the Old Scout's Speechless, (cause we were supposed to suck much more than that. And with the other schools in Awe)

Day 3......

2009 National Scouting Skills Competition at Foon Yew Johor

2009-06-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

After extremely hard practices, countless times shouting. Sweating out all we've got. Finally we arrive at the battlefield at Foon Yew Johor. Don't get me wrong.....it's what i've been waiting for for about 3 months. The day i get to win all the prizes.....and the mark that says it's almost time to leave scouts. Darn......

Early in the morning we reach school....say hi....and got ready for practices. I was totally in the lazy mood cause i was up all night worrying whether i could sweep the prizes all into my hands. hehehe......

So i tried my best to skip dance practice, laze out in Kawat practice and be the boss at signalling practice.(obviously i'd prefer to be the boss, Who'd want to be running around when you're all tired out?)

I set some work and duties for the signalling team. Ran all the way to kawat, Got it left and right from hai lo.........with our confidence smashed into pieces. We had to go through the agonizing pain of stamping our foots for 7 hours.....woohoo......

Finally got on the bus.........arranged everything checked through.......got on the bus and slept on on the bus floor......darn u don't know how much better it is to lie on the floor than on the chair......(people think i'm sacrificing myself but truth be told......it was heaven...)I slept for 4 hours right until we entered the gates of doom.....(foon yew high school)

Unpacked and moved on to the so called dormitory (classroom). Arranged everything and fell asleep at about 3 o clock in the morn. Sigh.....and woke up at 5 o clock to "masuk" the members for more torture......and to the next day.....

Stressful year........

2009-05-25T03:39:00.001-07:00

This year....is certainly the best and the worst year of my life....why?

Number one.....all i can say is that things aren't working well....our well respected coach......i think.....is seriously going through some kind of weird phase.....everything he says nowadays seems as though he is doing it for himself....afterall...who would teach for free?

2...his becoming a physco.........wow....changing the dance routine with just 3 days left to practice? WOOHOO WE'RE PROS!!! puke.........

3 My family ain't being supportive..........sigh........if only they were........

4.....why does it always as though that when i'm facing troubles the most....my best friends and pals seem to ignore me? Or is it just me wanting to be left alone.....deep inside i'm just waiting for someone to come talk to me.....to pity me.....and well.just show that i'm loved by someone........This can't continue any longer........

Lazy...

2009-05-18T04:23:00.000-07:00

Been lazy lately.....during exam period.........zzzzzzzzzz...........sleep sleep sleep..............

Gotta learn to stay focused and be Mature.

2009-05-11T10:27:00.000-07:00

Have u guys ever had this love for friends so much....that you'll do anything for them........anything.....including jumping of a building.....running through a forest on fire....giving ur organs......etc etc...???

I've come to a point where i feel that it is quite impossible to live without my pals.....really impossible.....it's not as impossible as to live without God....but well...it's second after God and Family...

So here i am.debating how i should let go of the beloved friends that i hold on to so dearly......i cry to myself sometimes when i think of the fate that awaits them...God...please save them...

Scout's Competition

2009-05-07T23:01:00.000-07:00

Hehe........i'm now officially participating in 2 competitions, plus 1 whose team i'm leading. Marching, Dancing and Signaling.....

Boy i'm just so glad to be one with the marching team again.....it's where i feel at home.....plus i get to be a team with XY and CG :) Plus the sure win dance group...(I pray that God allows that to happen) and the neither here nor there Signaling group.

Active,? yeah....studying? no........

Perfomances on stage

2009-05-06T04:10:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentleman......I've finally decided that for the rest of my life.....I shall end up performing on stage. Taking the entertainment sector as my future career, well hopefully...

Dancing nowadays is really well......confusing? Annoying? Frustrating?

Eg, Dance practice yesterday night, KX tells us to think what kind of feelings should we have when dance. We decided on being mysterious. I was like.....okay......and what about the last 3 parts? WY was like, THAT"S WHY WE HAVE TO MAKE IT MYSTERIOUS!! (Please...the last part of the song sounds like James Bond trying to run away from Icarus) Mysterious? More like action packed, dancing cool dudes that's totally invisible waving their masks and gloves around. Well, i had a row, done

KX pulled me to one side, noticing that there was a problem (with me). I got the shock of me life....hoping it wasn't going to be bad, AMAZINGLY! He was quite understanding me, probably cause what I said kinda made sense (don't mean to be boastful but seriously..IT'S THE TRUTH) His Girlfriend just sat there, Sometimes smiling sometimes giving me the "yea that's right look". Sigh......imagine mum and dad trying to talk to your friend.....

At least what i had to said got said, and what i wanted to tell everyone got told. (Thank you for the chance) Now, I'm elected as the Leader,( Who's going to totally ruin the whole group, cause chaos, and total destruction to a near perfect dance group.) Please don't choose me as the leader......please please please please please........

Weird world

2009-04-29T07:24:00.000-07:00

Well, God has yet again worked another miracle in my life! Things have changed for the better, Friends are officially back in act, Brothers are treating me well :) and well hopefully this lasts at least a week before i start dragging myself back here to cry out my heart again on this online diary.

Fortunately the form 4's have two groups...either one would definitely spare some time to love me for the moment that i'm in pain :) thankfully!

Thank you God!!
2nd Corinthians 9:11 You will be enriched in every way so that you may be generous on every occasion, which is producing through us thanksgiving to God.

Singing

2009-04-27T05:18:00.000-07:00

Passionate for singing? I can't help thinking that at the end of the year i'm going to join ONE IN A MILLION!!! :) Hope u guys show support for me then!

Form 4 is killing me......i mean the friends......Some show love, while others.....well i dunno....It's a really weird flow going around. In an occasion where several people couldn't care less about me...the other half of the unknown would suddenly become known and shower love on top of me. And just when i'm getting ready to warm up with them. SLAM! they shut off and the other door opens again......darn i can't take it anymore

A word of Prayer,
Father in heaven, I thank you Dear Lord for the Love and Kindness You have shown me. Without you i believe that i would have probably ran away but your abounding Love has managed to work it's powers and wonders and has kept me under control. Father throughout the years thou has spoken to me and thought me alot of things. I just pray dear Lord that You will continue to be my Shepard, leading me back to you where your warm embrace is always welcoming me. Father, please guide me by your light so that i may not step into temptation, but live in wisdom through your guidance. In Jesus name i pray, AMEN!

Prayer

2009-04-23T05:06:00.000-07:00

For all those Christians out there..... remember to pray always... Why? you ask me, and here is my answer

For the past few months, weeks and days...... i've been trying to figure out, What am i suppose to do with my life? Was it worthwhile trying my best to make brothers out of friends? Was it really necessary to give up a year of my life just to be with friends younger than me by a year? Where was my life heading to? What do i have to do in order to continue living a happy life? It all came clear in one very interesting day.....

One day, i was playing bkb(basketball) with a few friends....wednesday if i my say, and then well....WXY had to go for duty at this organic center somewhere in erm..... dunno. Amazingly, for the first time, he invited me to go help him, ( yes i get excited when friends i consider brothers ask me for help) and so i went there with me smiling eye to eye just excited to spend some time with a bro (alone)

We were talking and talking (didn't get much work done) and suddenly he asked me a question...What do u Christians do?

The long awaited question came......I then spend 2 hours explaining about Christ, His love and the future that awaits us. The funny thing is....i don't remember ever saying anything about well....Christ ( yes i am embarrassed about that) but then God woke me up ( Oh Boy did He!)

I begun to pray for him (WXY) and my form four friends whom i love and hold dearly.. Life on earth is short, but life in Heaven is eternal, What wouldn't i give to have eternal life with my brothers in the presence of God? (Darn doesn't this sound so great?)

To my friends, i hope that you guys will soon know the wonders Christ can work in you. There he will be working and protecting you for life. Never leaving you alone for a single second, For this i can tell you

Psalm 94:14 Certainly the Lord does not forsake his people;

he does not abandon the nation that belongs to him.

I for one am a good example because the Lord has provided for me and has led me for years...But feel free to question me about Christ.

Gosh, i guess i gotta learn

2009-04-19T08:45:00.000-07:00

I just gotta learn to stop thinking so much........taking every act, every thought into consideration.....sometimes it's just too stressful......it's a lump of rock stuck in yer atriums....

I gotta admit.....life isn't easy....and thinking it's easy makes it harder......sounds stupid eh?

I got a new resolution........Think only the best of yer friends.....never the bad.....only the good....forget the past and prepare for the future.....enjoy the present...and cherish your friends more than diamonds and gold.

Sigh.....

2009-04-17T07:45:00.000-07:00

Studies........and erm.....gosh.....i dunno................wow.......my life is that empty?...........

studying........

2009-04-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

Is there more to life than studying?

Someone once said that knowledge is everyhing. If you ain't got knowledge you ain't got nothing.
But......since when does knowledge apply to going to school and sitting around staring at teachers?
Ironic isn't it.....we study hard....to study harder......to work harder......and then die better......

We study hard for a better life, a better job, and well.....something better. But i still refuse to accept the fact the life depends on your studies. What happened to our moral standards? What happened to the importance of being Trustworthy and Loyal?

Boring day......

2009-04-12T00:59:00.000-07:00

the house is all mine................me sitting here....alone.....facing the screen........in an empty house with nobody to tell me what to do......

Sigh........if only a few friends would ring the bell and say hi.........boy would i be as happy as a lark......

A day at home ^^

2009-04-10T07:01:00.001-07:00

A sweet day away from school, away from foul mouthed beasts........from judges sitting from seats thinking that they know what's best.....away from the psychologist who tries to put u to sleep in front of class......ah...................

But then again, it's a torture to leave the warm presence of friends......the fun of laughing together and well...........sit around and waste time?^^ :)

Anyways.....i'm supposed to go help the Debate team tmr......sigh........i'm doing this to help one person only....those closest to me probably know who it is......so i'll skip mentioning names here :P

The scouts had to burst my bubble by bringing me away from my long awaited moment to spend time with ahem......(someone) and at the same time extend a helping hand to allow that (someone) to appreciate me more. It's not that i don't like erm, spending time at scouts.....but well....technically it's just painful to make choices between friends and erm........(someone).

Day erm........1?2?

2009-04-08T07:12:00.000-07:00

Things are going fine at school........

I forgot my PEKA........had a duel with OOI again......^^ (quite amusing actually) :)

I had a lesson on how to take on robbers by Wei Bing.....YOU'RE MY HERO!!! :P
Nice and cool story(though it's part real part fake haha......)

So, Wei bing and Xiang wei were walking behind excel.....suddenly 3 guys popped out and asked for a ringgit....(sounds silly eh)? Two guys cornered Xiang wei and one guy confronted Wei Bing.

Wei Bing gave a punch straight to guys chest.....the guy clutched his chest in pain .....fear brewed up and he backed away to erm....consume the easier prey :). 3 guys captured Xiang Wei, Took a Phone and ran away......Read more all at Xin Zhou Ri Bao. for details. hehe

Life is weird eh?

2009-04-07T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well...........everything is back to normal................anger has subsided......relationships have been rebuilt.........ah........this is life.......(the building back part ^^)

We finally managed to sort things out, FORGIVENESS is important, (so i learned) and well......it takes a little effort to get things behind us, (hopefully we do....)

And here we go again......me and my all thinking brain that never stops over thinking and over exaggerating just hope that my mind doesn't kill me. :)

Thanks to you guys out there who helped me solve this controversy.........Wan hao, Jason...Thanks alot!!!

I finally give up

2009-04-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

When i finally thought everything was solved, my bro's finally treat me as a bro and me finally knowing that i'm important to them too..........SLAM, WHAM BAM...........i so thought wrong..........

I'm done and through, i'm sick and tired.......all i ever did for them, cared for them, sacrificed for them and how i loved them as brothers...........they turn around and say i'm gay. you know what? Get lost now...........after all i've done? All i've sacrificed? You turn round and say you're gay get away from me.........FRUSTRATED? IT"S BEYOND THAT!!!!!!!!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? WHAT CAN I SAY???????? I Give up...........i just can't stand it any longer......i've been foolish enough trying my best to earn friends.........so now what? I'll quit scouts, i'll quit everything...........have nothing to do with them..................

There ain't know friendship if there ain't no trust....................I've had it with them..........

All is well now.....the PITA is gone........

2009-04-05T22:24:00.000-07:00

SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!!!! wow....boy do they know how to cheer me up, some bros and friends gathered up and gave me a shock at my class.

Well, it began like this....I left this house this morning with all the horrendous dreams haunting me. Still stunned by the lies my dreams told me, i woke up, stood up and got ready to face trial again. A new me was emerging, i kept telling myself (Forget him, forget friends.....give up.....and all will be well........) yeah right, like i'll be able to forget brothers that easily...... easier said than done.....it was like trying to remove a stick from your eye.

I left the house, determined to forget the past and start afresh, give up on trying to please my friends, stop opening my arms wide, and start sitting around studying the whole day. I said a word of prayer to God, telling Him....Please help me God, make the right choices for me, Thy will be done not mine.

Reached school, tried my best to start surviving on my own. My survival guidebook was failing me, every instinct was telling me "GO say HI" but yet i pulled myself away from the group and sat in a secluded area.

Things didn't improve right until recess, i left the biology lab with my teacher convinced that i was troubled and weary (not that i wasn't) but i tried my best to conceal it. I guess my looks saved me this time...and trust me it's not the Good part.........I walked pass the Scout's meeting area without turning my head, still giving my best to evade questions and the sound of friendship. Today i didn't wait for them like i used to, just walked all the way to the canteen and devoured my food down as fast as possible.(secretly hoping that they would appear soon) They did, and i put on my couldn't care less attitude on, disguising myself with anger and left them. Though inside my heart was breaking, just hoping that they would call me to ask if everything was ok.

I walked all the way to the new building, stood by the pillar and waited...i couldn't bare it any longer, (what's taking them so long to notice that i was desperate for a warm feeling?) and finally three familiar faces appeared, and asked the question that i have been anticipating, "Is everything ok? (direct translation would be what's wrong?) I looked blank, holding back my tears as it started building up,(gotta run before they see me burst) i just said, "nothing, just dissapointed" and left them.

I ran up to class eager to forget everything, started accounts, Yay! got punished for not completing my homework....well what do u expect? I wasn't even in class and trust me.....the absence was legal by law. But i just told myself, "that's for skipping class u fancy pants." Everything started going back to how it used to be until....................

"knock knock" OCS popped his head out of nowhere and called me, i was like, Gosh.....leave me alone......i just want to forget this, I walked out of class and turned right........WHAM! 4 bro's and a close friend stood there....AMBUSH!!!!!! I ran in and sat down on my chair, took up the newspaper and continued reading. But they wouldn't give up, they sent in 2 representatives and pulled me out, (i was trying my best to hide my overwhelming joy, darn do they know how to cheer me up).

There he stood, the big boss...... smiling away he asked me, What's wrong? Honestly i was glad, but i couldn't repeat my mistakes and let this chance slip away again. I went in and got my phone where i saved my Questions for him, Questions that have been puzzling me for the pass few months, i passed the phone to him , he read it and i smiled then left them. (THEY DO CARE!!!!) Just to make me happy,(at least that's what i think) he called me brother. haha.........

Well that's it for the moment, can't wait for school to end ^^ The privileges of Webteam.....access to the web anytime !! :)

PITA

2009-04-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

Guess what PITA stands for........
Don't know? Nvrmind......i guess what's bugging me this few days is that no matter how much i try to reach out to a brother......no matter how wide i stretch my arms ........no matter how hard i try to get together......all i receive is a cold respond from a brother i trully care about.

I just don't understand him.........What's stopping him from accepting me? What's there to be afraid of? Is there something wrong with me? Am i blind to my own mistakes? Or is he afraid that i'll devour him the moment he gives a hint that his finally taking it in? I guess i'll never know........he evades every question i give him........evades every moment i try to spend with him......but yet somehow he still cares, (amazingly).

One day, i just pray that one day......we'll see things eye to eye......all i want is a healthy, mutual relationship with a friend i call brother. One that i've been looking for since i was a little boy running around naked. Please..........please.........just lemme in..........lemme in to your heart and have a seat.....

My first post online? A shout to the outside world? A cry for help?

2009-04-05T06:41:00.000-07:00

Guys, gals ladies and gentlemen......Love, friendship and family? Which daya put first?

I guess that's life...i'm going through lots.....family banging on me "GET YER GRADES UP" (i'm like, okay.....)

Friends (brothers)
I've got a total of 7 friends i consider brothers, whoever u are, i guess u already know. But seriously, does it hurt to answer a sms? Are ya that busy to just say your're busy? or are u just too lazy to answer a distress call from a brother who's life is hanging on a string. The one thing i hate about brothers? (They don't need to count u as a brother too)No matter HOW MUCH U CARE FOR THEM T.T "pain"? you don't know the meaning till u meet my bros.

Love,
I guess love can mean alot of different stuff, (friends, family, God...but i am certainly addressing GF.

Got this girl i like, (Please don't let my family find out bout this :) ) Graded ugly by other guys but who cares? It's the heart, the soul and thought that counts! At least, that's what the books tell me. sigh..........Maybe it'll work? Maybe it won't? but one things for sure....i'm sticking with my gal for life. (not that i have one "yet")